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How to not give a flip (insert your own word here)…

This is something I have literally had to deal with my whole entire life. I am just naturally a people pleaser. I want everyone to be happy and do kumbyah together walking through a field of daisies. But… that’s not reality…

Reality is that people are going to let you down. They are going to hurt you. They are going to be super unapologetic about hurting you. They will talk crap with you then turn around and talk crap about you. They will step on you to get what they need and won’t think twice about it. They will throw your name in the dirt just so they can get ahead. They will do all of that while smiling those 32 pearly whites in your face.

So I gathered a list of things to do in order to learn how to stop giving a flip.

  1. You have to be able to differentiate who is for you and who’s a facade. Crazy thing is my mom always told me that you will meet people who are going to act like they are for you but are truly plotting behind the scenes. That’s when your “spidey senses” need to kick in and you need to be able to decipher real from fake. You can do this by really just opening your ears. I mean really LISTEN. People tell you who they really are when you LISTEN to them. That’s the biggest downfall to all of us people pleasers out there. We formulate these “perfect” individuals in our mines and they never do any wrong. That’s why we are so surprised and hurt when they do the asinine things they do.
  2. Be okay with being alone. I am still working on this myself. I always grew up having a lot of friends and family so I didn’t really know how to be alone. I think when you are okay with being alone, you are able to start caring less. You are able to be comfortable in your own skin without a group around to hype you up. BE YOUR OWN HYPE MAN! 
  3. Love yourself. You have to be able to put yourself first. I know that is easier said than done but you have to be able to find out what makes you, you. You have to find out what you love. Tap into your dreams and goals. This is when not caring starts really happening. You have this freedom of choice and you are able to use it when you are thinking about yourself first (obviously this is only to an extent.)
  4. Learn how to build a bridge and get over it. Once you are over it, light a match, turn around and burn it. A lot of us carry a lot of baggage from the past that ends up weighing us down. It alters your mind and it ultimately takes away your power. You have the power!
  5. Leave it at the door. Do not bring the drama inside your happy place or your place of comfort. When you allow those negative things inside your happy place you opening the door to more negativity. Literally take a deep breath and leave it at your front door. Sometimes if something is bothering me, I will stay in my parked car outside my place and let it blow over so I don’t bring that into my home. It literally helps me in not caring.
  6. Do more things on your own! I know that this really ties in with being okay with being alone but really start doing things on your own. Stop waiting for people to jump on your train. If you want to go to the beach and no one else wants to go, GO! Do not let people take experiences away from you. If you want to travel and no one can go with you, still go!!! You need to literally take ownership of your life and start living for you! Stop waiting for someone to be able to cosign on your life. You might end up waiting your whole life and then who’s to blame?
  7. Let bad people go. Do not hold on to them with hopes that they are going to change. Do not hold on to them trying to hold on to the people that they used to be. Just let go! The moment that you finally let go, you will feel so free emotionally and physically.

 

I don’t have all the answers. I am still learning as the days go on. As I learn, I am making it my mission to tell other people my story and my experiences in order to grow.

Leave me a comment and let me know what you would like to see me write about next. Tell me how this makes you feel. Give me and everyone else who may read this how you learned to stop caring. It literally makes me so happy to see you all reading my little blog.

LOVE THEM, LOVE HER, LOVE HIM, LOVE YOU, LOVE ME

LOVE KARAA

 

 

 

 

Why are we important?

 

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I remember as a senior in high school and applying to all of these different colleges from UCF to UF to FSU to UM. I went to a predominantly white school and all of the different colleges who visited were from those schools. Never did I witness a college recruiter from an HBCU step on West Orange’s school grounds. I feel like that is why many of my classmates didn’t even know about FAMU. It was like HBCUs weren’t even an option for the students of FAMU.

I got into all of my choices but I didn’t feel as if I was extremely happy. I wasn’t that senior who waited until Valentine’s Day to hear back from UF. It wasn’t a place of happiness. It wasn’t home.

Somehow and someway, my mom led me to apply to FAMU for their pharmacy program and I did. I got in. It still didn’t hit me that I was going to leave the area that I had called home my whole life and that I was going to leave the friends that I had gone to school with my whole life.

Then, I got to Florida A&M University. 

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It was a huge surprise to be in a classroom where I was actually challenged and not the only African American child there. It was even more shell shocking that everyone in my classes was smart. I don’t mean just smart smart, but ridiculously smart. All I ever knew before was being the only African American girl in the gifted classroom and all of the AP classes (excluding Marsee). That was never an issue for me but it definitely made me stick out like a sore thumb. It felt so relieving that I had people who looked like me in my classes who were trying to truly succeed.

It’s important to have these options not only because they were the only ones available to our ancestors who were able to get an education but because they are for some people the only option. It is a chance to be in a school where you are not just a number but a person with a name. The professors actually personally care and don’t mind taking the time out with you to help you whether it be with academic issues or sometimes to just talk.

I never felt such a deep love for a school until I reached the highest of seven hills.  It has shaped me as a person so much. I don’t know how to greet someone without starting off with Greetings and humble salutations, my name is Kara Glover, a first year Doctor of Pharmacy candidate from Orlando, FL.

HBCUs instill a sense of pride and love like no other school. It shows you how to support one another just because. It instills in you to speak up and speak out for the ones who can’t. It teaches you how to dance in the stands whether or not anyone is looking. It teaches you that as soon as something goes down, it will spread from the Village down to the Palmettos in less than a minute.

I wouldn’t trade my experience with anything else.

FAMU, I love thee! 

LOVE THEM, LOVE HER, LOVE HIM, LOVE YOU, LOVE ME

LOVE KARAA

 

To the best friend who left me in this world…

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4 years, 2 months, and 26 days since you left me.

You left me without a goodbye.

You left me without any preparation. How was a 16 year old girl supposed understand losing her 16 year old best friend? Even today being 21 years old, I still break down at the sound or thought of your name. I break down as if it was that faithful day of December 2012.

I will never look at New Year’s Eve the same as I did before. I will always feel a pain in my heart on that day.

Sometimes I sit back and remember all of those times I would lock myself out the house and I would come over to yours and we would eat everything in your fridge. We would talk about any and everything and we would laugh. That’s what I miss the most: LAUGHING. Your laugh was such a full laugh that would show all of your teeth and could make anyone else around you burst out laughing.

I can’t help but to laugh at all the times we rode in the back of the bus after football games and sang stupid songs and all the times we would stay after school until color guard and band practice.

I never understood why God would take someone who wanted to be here so bad and leave someone who at the time couldn’t care less about dying. I still until this day don’t understand why he took you but I know he took you on his own time and when he knew you were ready to sit by the King.

You gave me something that I could never replace. You gave me a friendship that was worth so much for the little time we had together (10 years). You literally rode for me no matter what. You never let anyone come at me sideways or even try me and I appreciated it. You gave me a deeper understanding of myself and a deeper connection to my hopes and dreams.

I promise you I will continue to watch over your mom as I know you would of done for me. I will continue to push and finish everything I start because I’m not just doing this for me anymore, I am doing this for both of us. Your life gave me a bigger meaning to go for what seems to be “untouchable” because you would always tell me that I was unstoppable.

So when I feel ready to give up, I look at your picture and I can’t help but smile and keep going. Keep spinning on my love!

Thank you Courtney Janay Brown for giving me another chance at life! I love you more than you could ever know!

LOVE THEM, LOVE HER, LOVE HIM, LOVE YOU, LOVE ME

LOVE KARAA

 

 

How to truly love yourself…

Hello lovelies,

I want to let you in on a little secret but promise you won’t tell anyone. I LOVE YOU!

Okay now that that’s all said and done, I can let you all in on a really dark time in my life. For those who know me, know that I live a life where I am all about exuding confidence and self love but I was not always like that. For those who truly know me, behind my smile was a truly lost soul and an extremely depressed person.

If it wasn’t my body that I wanted to contour and shape into some oddity that could never truly be achieved, it was my skin which I felt like was not light enough to be “beautiful” or not dark enough to be the “model” I wanted to be. (Now, standing at 5’1.75″ there is no way I could have made it.)

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I think most people around me thought that I was just as confident (thanks dance and colorguard) as can be. I felt as if I wasn’t enough and at that time I wasn’t in the most loving relationship where I actually felt good enough.

Some people like to put blame on their parents but my parents told me they loved me and  how beautiful I was. It really just boiled down to how I felt about myself. The world can tell you how gorgeous you are but if you don’t think that about yourself none of that matters.

After getting out of that relationship, I began to really understand how to TRULY LOVE myself. Not just the love where you think you are cute when you wear a certain shirt but the love where you can look in the mirror and be like *excuse my french but* DAAAAAMN Daniel. When I got on that floor, I loved myself. When I got on that stage, I loved myself. For that split second, I felt like the world around me saw my beauty through my movement and through my heart.

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To begin to love yourself, you must first start from within.

You have to find out what makes you feel the best. Whether it’s dancing in your room to loud music or dancing on a stage. Whether it’s singing your lungs out in the car or beating the heck out of your face (beating=slaying your face for the world to see) or being bare faced. Whatever makes you feel like the best YOU is the first step to love.

Next is to, center yourself around people who love you for you and have positive attitude.

A lot of the times, when you are having a hard time loving yourself it is due to the company you keep. When someone is always downing you, you are more prone to feeling bad about yourself. Be around people who love that you snort when you laugh or that you sing like a dying alpaca. Be around people that support you in all of your endeavors but aren’t afraid to assist you when you are down.

Finally, give out love.

The best way to love yourself is to be a lovely person. Be someone that you would want to be loved by. Be that person who shares kind words with their friends and co-workers. When people around you feel the love in the air, it’s catching. You have to feel love. Have you ever tried to hold in laughter, when the whole room is laughing? You remember how hard that is. You remember that it takes you 5 seconds and you are bursting out laughing as well. That’s how love works.  

I don’t have all the answers to life. Heck, I’m not even a quarter the way done living mine. I can only just share with you what I’ve learned so far. Love yourself so then you can easily point out the “fugazi love” that people show. Love yourself so that you can be the best you. Love yourself because no one can love you better than you (minus God, hallleyur.) Love yourself because life is no fun being angry, mean, and bitter.

I am still a work in progress in truly loving myself. I have my good days. I have my bad days but at the end of the day, I look over and tell S that I love him and I whisper to myself that I love me.

Thank you for taking out some time to read my blog. Stay tuned and as always…

Love them, love her, love him, love you, love me

Love Karaa

Love Without Color

Hey lovelies!

I know it’s been a while since I’ve blogged but it’s my last month of the semester and stuff is getting really real… RIP GPA.

Let’s cut to the chase…

I get a lot of questions about why do I choose to be in a relationship with a white man. In all honesty, I really didn’t even think about Skylar’s skin color when I got with him. At first, I didn’t even know we would end up where we are today. (That story is for another time.) I just was in a state of being open to any other “love” than what I was receiving in my past relationships.

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My parents never told me that I couldn’t be with someone of my skin color or race. They had always been adamant about them being happy with whomever I am with as long as they treated me right and loved me. Beyond that, I had some people who I loved who weren’t against it but were definitely not “head over heels” in love with the idea.

I have received backlash from many of my peers due to my relationship some from my own community. Specifically some men who believe that I am missing out on something because I am with Skylar. Some women say that they are jealous or want an interracial relationship because they see our relationship.

Let’s stop at that note… 

What in the actual heck?!?!? I never sought out an interracial relationship. I always loved people for who they were. It just so happens that Skylar is white and that makes us fall into this “interracial couple” category. I am just in a relationship, not an interracial relationship, not a bwwm relationship, not a mixed couple. Just your ordinary relationship. Our relationship has its ups and downs. It’s nothing different from any other relationship that anyone else could have.

If it were not him, I would be with someone else rather they be black, white, hispanic, or any other person. First of all, if you can deal with me then you are already one step ahead of the game.

Love is love. Love has no color. I fell in love with Skylar because of his personality not because of the color of my skin. If you love someone, don’t let the color of your skin stop you from pursuing them. Love comes in different shapes and sizes.

In high school, I had quite a few friends who parents were completely against them dating someone who wasn’t white. Their excuse was because “we didn’t raise them like that” or “we just rather them be with someone like us.” I honestly would rather those parents to shut the heck up and let their children live! That’s not an excuse! If the right person was to come by and love your child, your brother, or your sister, you would be totally against it??? Color doesn’t tell your story. Color doesn’t decide whether or not you are a good person. Color doesn’t protect your child from hurt or pain. Color is just merely that…

just color.

Let’s talk about it.

Would you date someone that didn’t look like you? Why do you feel that some parents are so against it? Comment below. Discuss it with your family and friends.

Thank you for taking out some time to read my blog. Stay tuned and as always…

Love them, love her, love him, love you, love me

Love Karaa

How to be a real and true friend…

I’m not trying to be shady but (insert palm tree here) many of us need a re-up on knowing how to be a real and true friend. Many of us are real friends. Many of us are true friends. But not many of us are both.

Let’s start out with Mr. Webster’s take on what a friend is so we can learn how to be a friend:

Definition of friend

  1. 1:  a person who has a strong liking for and trust in another person

  2. 2:  a person who is not an enemy <friend or foe>

  3. 3:  a person who helps or supports something <She was a friend to environmental causes.>

In this definition, many key words appear such as trust, helps, liking, and supports.
Now these words aren’t in the definition for poops and giggles, these are in there because this what a friend is.
A person that you do not trust is NOT your friend. That person is also not your boyfriend or girlfriend. The “friend” portion of the word must be dropped because we have to trust in them in order for them to earn that portion. They now just become a BOY and GIRL. If I can’t trust you enough to have a conversation without you running off to tell her, him and all of them, we are not friends. We are just acquaintances or just mere “hi and byes.” Now don’t get me wrong just because someone is your friend, that doesn’t mean you just trust them with your first-born child. You need to have enough common sense and intuition to learn what level of trust to give someone and if you lack any of those two above call 1-800-JESUS. He will always answer. Won’t he do it?
The next word is “help.”A friend is going to help you in your time of need with whatever he or she has to give. That doesn’t mean that if you are always going somewhere broke, your friend should always pick up your tab. It means that one day you might just buy lunch when she is low on money for the week. Then when she is back up and you are low, she get’s you. Help is not always monetary! I REPEAT, helping someone doesn’t always have to be a monetary thing. Most of the time, helping should be just sharing some words of encouragement and some wanted advice. Yes, I put wanted advice but true friends will sometimes give you unwanted advice that you truly need to hear to wake you up from the cloud of marshmallow peeps we daydream on.
The word “like” is self-explanatory for the most part.
Support is the biggest thing friends give one another. Support to do the unexpected and the risky things we dream of in the back of our heads if only Grandma wouldn’t judge you haha! Support to be yourself. Support to make dumb mistakes sometimes. Support to never let you make those dumb mistakes again. Support to pick you up when you are weak. Support to use each other back to back to lift each other up. Support to follow your dreams. If someone isn’t supporting you without good reason (many times we don’t see it as a good reason) , they are doing nothing but adding extra weight.
Now that we know what a friend is and what he or she is supposed to do, we need to make sure that we are doing these things ourselves. Before we are able to make friends, we have to make sure we can hold ourselves to the standards we plan on holding them to.
Thank you all so much for all of the genuine support I have received after my first blog post! Stay tuned and as always…

Love them, love her, love him, love you, love me

Love Karaa

The Crap No One Likes to Talk About…

I am beyond super excited to finally start the blog that I have been dreaming about. Welcome!!!

Now, I’m just going to cut to the chase…

I am your best friend. When I mean your best friend, I mean the one you always dreamed of but never had for whatever reason. The Beyonce to your Kelly, the Batman to your Robin, the Tina Fey to your Amy Poehler, the Jay to your Silent Bob, the Garth to your Wayne….that’s me!

Now let’s really get to the chase…

Situation: Talking to a friend about clothes and she said she had some but wasn’t sure if I would like them because they were “white girl clothes.” First off, I took one of those deep, saving your life type breaths because I didn’t understand what the heck she meant by white girl clothes and I didn’t want to go slap off in a rant. As far as I knew, clothes were clothes. This situation reminded me of the crap I have heard all of my life. I am supposedly not “black” enough to be black and not “white” enough to be white. This seems to be the case for any person of color, tint, or hue who doesn’t speak with slang all the time and has education but still likes great music (shoutout to Mom for blasting GREAT music early in the morning everyday and singing in the car…she is the real MVP.) Although, this situation was really small, it shows me that we are still not there yet in the world. But that’s not what this blog is about now is it?

Next… this election. Now sweetie, we could go on and on about the craziness that is going on in our country but there is not enough time in the day or in the world so we will just sum it up for you. The Republican Party candidates= H-E- double hockey sticks NOOOO! The Democratic Party candidates= see above. I just wish there was an undo button for this election. Can we undo all of the candidates and choose completely new ones?!?!? I see at least one good platform point in each person’s campaign but no one stands out to me as being the person I want to have the highest position in this country. What makes it more sad is that this will be my first year to vote like many others!

Finally…being you. I absolutely hate that we, as people, can’t be real with one another. I rather someone come out to me and tell me the truth than to lie to me about who they are. The truth always comes out either through your actions or through some slick words that fall out of the side of your mouth. Either way, the real you will be revealed. Yes, it’s not okay in all settings to be a racist but I rather know you are a racist than for me to be friends with you and you and your family won’t even allow me in your home. *cough cough*  I rather know you for all that you are. I rather be real with you than for me to be fake.

I hope I didn’t scare you off by this long post but for the first time in a long time, I feel like I could finally release! Stay tuned…

Love them, love her, love him, love you, love me

Love Karaa