I want to let you in on a little secret but promise you won’t tell anyone. I LOVE YOU!
Okay now that that’s all said and done, I can let you all in on a really dark time in my life. For those who know me, know that I live a life where I am all about exuding confidence and self love but I was not always like that. For those who truly know me, behind my smile was a truly lost soul and an extremely depressed person.
If it wasn’t my body that I wanted to contour and shape into some oddity that could never truly be achieved, it was my skin which I felt like was not light enough to be “beautiful” or not dark enough to be the “model” I wanted to be. (Now, standing at 5’1.75″ there is no way I could have made it.)
I think most people around me thought that I was just as confident (thanks dance and colorguard) as can be. I felt as if I wasn’t enough and at that time I wasn’t in the most loving relationship where I actually felt good enough.
Some people like to put blame on their parents but my parents told me they loved me and how beautiful I was. It really just boiled down to how I felt about myself. The world can tell you how gorgeous you are but if you don’t think that about yourself none of that matters.
After getting out of that relationship, I began to really understand how to TRULY LOVE myself. Not just the love where you think you are cute when you wear a certain shirt but the love where you can look in the mirror and be like *excuse my french but* DAAAAAMN Daniel. When I got on that floor, I loved myself. When I got on that stage, I loved myself. For that split second, I felt like the world around me saw my beauty through my movement and through my heart.
To begin to love yourself, you must first start from within.
You have to find out what makes you feel the best. Whether it’s dancing in your room to loud music or dancing on a stage. Whether it’s singing your lungs out in the car or beating the heck out of your face (beating=slaying your face for the world to see) or being bare faced. Whatever makes you feel like the best YOU is the first step to love.
Next is to, center yourself around people who love you for you and have positive attitude.
A lot of the times, when you are having a hard time loving yourself it is due to the company you keep. When someone is always downing you, you are more prone to feeling bad about yourself. Be around people who love that you snort when you laugh or that you sing like a dying alpaca. Be around people that support you in all of your endeavors but aren’t afraid to assist you when you are down.
Finally, give out love.
The best way to love yourself is to be a lovely person. Be someone that you would want to be loved by. Be that person who shares kind words with their friends and co-workers. When people around you feel the love in the air, it’s catching. You have to feel love. Have you ever tried to hold in laughter, when the whole room is laughing? You remember how hard that is. You remember that it takes you 5 seconds and you are bursting out laughing as well. That’s how love works.
I don’t have all the answers to life. Heck, I’m not even a quarter the way done living mine. I can only just share with you what I’ve learned so far. Love yourself so then you can easily point out the “fugazi love” that people show. Love yourself so that you can be the best you. Love yourself because no one can love you better than you (minus God, hallleyur.) Love yourself because life is no fun being angry, mean, and bitter.
I am still a work in progress in truly loving myself. I have my good days. I have my bad days but at the end of the day, I look over and tell S that I love him and I whisper to myself that I love me.