Tag Archive | how to

How to not give a flip (insert your own word here)…

This is something I have literally had to deal with my whole entire life. I am just naturally a people pleaser. I want everyone to be happy and do kumbyah together walking through a field of daisies. But… that’s not reality…

Reality is that people are going to let you down. They are going to hurt you. They are going to be super unapologetic about hurting you. They will talk crap with you then turn around and talk crap about you. They will step on you to get what they need and won’t think twice about it. They will throw your name in the dirt just so they can get ahead. They will do all of that while smiling those 32 pearly whites in your face.

So I gathered a list of things to do in order to learn how to stop giving a flip.

  1. You have to be able to differentiate who is for you and who’s a facade. Crazy thing is my mom always told me that you will meet people who are going to act like they are for you but are truly plotting behind the scenes. That’s when your “spidey senses” need to kick in and you need to be able to decipher real from fake. You can do this by really just opening your ears. I mean really LISTEN. People tell you who they really are when you LISTEN to them. That’s the biggest downfall to all of us people pleasers out there. We formulate these “perfect” individuals in our mines and they never do any wrong. That’s why we are so surprised and hurt when they do the asinine things they do.
  2. Be okay with being alone. I am still working on this myself. I always grew up having a lot of friends and family so I didn’t really know how to be alone. I think when you are okay with being alone, you are able to start caring less. You are able to be comfortable in your own skin without a group around to hype you up. BE YOUR OWN HYPE MAN! 
  3. Love yourself. You have to be able to put yourself first. I know that is easier said than done but you have to be able to find out what makes you, you. You have to find out what you love. Tap into your dreams and goals. This is when not caring starts really happening. You have this freedom of choice and you are able to use it when you are thinking about yourself first (obviously this is only to an extent.)
  4. Learn how to build a bridge and get over it. Once you are over it, light a match, turn around and burn it. A lot of us carry a lot of baggage from the past that ends up weighing us down. It alters your mind and it ultimately takes away your power. You have the power!
  5. Leave it at the door. Do not bring the drama inside your happy place or your place of comfort. When you allow those negative things inside your happy place you opening the door to more negativity. Literally take a deep breath and leave it at your front door. Sometimes if something is bothering me, I will stay in my parked car outside my place and let it blow over so I don’t bring that into my home. It literally helps me in not caring.
  6. Do more things on your own! I know that this really ties in with being okay with being alone but really start doing things on your own. Stop waiting for people to jump on your train. If you want to go to the beach and no one else wants to go, GO! Do not let people take experiences away from you. If you want to travel and no one can go with you, still go!!! You need to literally take ownership of your life and start living for you! Stop waiting for someone to be able to cosign on your life. You might end up waiting your whole life and then who’s to blame?
  7. Let bad people go. Do not hold on to them with hopes that they are going to change. Do not hold on to them trying to hold on to the people that they used to be. Just let go! The moment that you finally let go, you will feel so free emotionally and physically.

 

I don’t have all the answers. I am still learning as the days go on. As I learn, I am making it my mission to tell other people my story and my experiences in order to grow.

Leave me a comment and let me know what you would like to see me write about next. Tell me how this makes you feel. Give me and everyone else who may read this how you learned to stop caring. It literally makes me so happy to see you all reading my little blog.

LOVE THEM, LOVE HER, LOVE HIM, LOVE YOU, LOVE ME

LOVE KARAA

 

 

 

 

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How to truly love yourself…

Hello lovelies,

I want to let you in on a little secret but promise you won’t tell anyone. I LOVE YOU!

Okay now that that’s all said and done, I can let you all in on a really dark time in my life. For those who know me, know that I live a life where I am all about exuding confidence and self love but I was not always like that. For those who truly know me, behind my smile was a truly lost soul and an extremely depressed person.

If it wasn’t my body that I wanted to contour and shape into some oddity that could never truly be achieved, it was my skin which I felt like was not light enough to be “beautiful” or not dark enough to be the “model” I wanted to be. (Now, standing at 5’1.75″ there is no way I could have made it.)

stop it

I think most people around me thought that I was just as confident (thanks dance and colorguard) as can be. I felt as if I wasn’t enough and at that time I wasn’t in the most loving relationship where I actually felt good enough.

Some people like to put blame on their parents but my parents told me they loved me and  how beautiful I was. It really just boiled down to how I felt about myself. The world can tell you how gorgeous you are but if you don’t think that about yourself none of that matters.

After getting out of that relationship, I began to really understand how to TRULY LOVE myself. Not just the love where you think you are cute when you wear a certain shirt but the love where you can look in the mirror and be like *excuse my french but* DAAAAAMN Daniel. When I got on that floor, I loved myself. When I got on that stage, I loved myself. For that split second, I felt like the world around me saw my beauty through my movement and through my heart.

love

To begin to love yourself, you must first start from within.

You have to find out what makes you feel the best. Whether it’s dancing in your room to loud music or dancing on a stage. Whether it’s singing your lungs out in the car or beating the heck out of your face (beating=slaying your face for the world to see) or being bare faced. Whatever makes you feel like the best YOU is the first step to love.

Next is to, center yourself around people who love you for you and have positive attitude.

A lot of the times, when you are having a hard time loving yourself it is due to the company you keep. When someone is always downing you, you are more prone to feeling bad about yourself. Be around people who love that you snort when you laugh or that you sing like a dying alpaca. Be around people that support you in all of your endeavors but aren’t afraid to assist you when you are down.

Finally, give out love.

The best way to love yourself is to be a lovely person. Be someone that you would want to be loved by. Be that person who shares kind words with their friends and co-workers. When people around you feel the love in the air, it’s catching. You have to feel love. Have you ever tried to hold in laughter, when the whole room is laughing? You remember how hard that is. You remember that it takes you 5 seconds and you are bursting out laughing as well. That’s how love works.  

I don’t have all the answers to life. Heck, I’m not even a quarter the way done living mine. I can only just share with you what I’ve learned so far. Love yourself so then you can easily point out the “fugazi love” that people show. Love yourself so that you can be the best you. Love yourself because no one can love you better than you (minus God, hallleyur.) Love yourself because life is no fun being angry, mean, and bitter.

I am still a work in progress in truly loving myself. I have my good days. I have my bad days but at the end of the day, I look over and tell S that I love him and I whisper to myself that I love me.

Thank you for taking out some time to read my blog. Stay tuned and as always…

Love them, love her, love him, love you, love me

Love Karaa

How to be a real and true friend…

I’m not trying to be shady but (insert palm tree here) many of us need a re-up on knowing how to be a real and true friend. Many of us are real friends. Many of us are true friends. But not many of us are both.

Let’s start out with Mr. Webster’s take on what a friend is so we can learn how to be a friend:

Definition of friend

  1. 1:  a person who has a strong liking for and trust in another person

  2. 2:  a person who is not an enemy <friend or foe>

  3. 3:  a person who helps or supports something <She was a friend to environmental causes.>

In this definition, many key words appear such as trust, helps, liking, and supports.
Now these words aren’t in the definition for poops and giggles, these are in there because this what a friend is.
A person that you do not trust is NOT your friend. That person is also not your boyfriend or girlfriend. The “friend” portion of the word must be dropped because we have to trust in them in order for them to earn that portion. They now just become a BOY and GIRL. If I can’t trust you enough to have a conversation without you running off to tell her, him and all of them, we are not friends. We are just acquaintances or just mere “hi and byes.” Now don’t get me wrong just because someone is your friend, that doesn’t mean you just trust them with your first-born child. You need to have enough common sense and intuition to learn what level of trust to give someone and if you lack any of those two above call 1-800-JESUS. He will always answer. Won’t he do it?
The next word is “help.”A friend is going to help you in your time of need with whatever he or she has to give. That doesn’t mean that if you are always going somewhere broke, your friend should always pick up your tab. It means that one day you might just buy lunch when she is low on money for the week. Then when she is back up and you are low, she get’s you. Help is not always monetary! I REPEAT, helping someone doesn’t always have to be a monetary thing. Most of the time, helping should be just sharing some words of encouragement and some wanted advice. Yes, I put wanted advice but true friends will sometimes give you unwanted advice that you truly need to hear to wake you up from the cloud of marshmallow peeps we daydream on.
The word “like” is self-explanatory for the most part.
Support is the biggest thing friends give one another. Support to do the unexpected and the risky things we dream of in the back of our heads if only Grandma wouldn’t judge you haha! Support to be yourself. Support to make dumb mistakes sometimes. Support to never let you make those dumb mistakes again. Support to pick you up when you are weak. Support to use each other back to back to lift each other up. Support to follow your dreams. If someone isn’t supporting you without good reason (many times we don’t see it as a good reason) , they are doing nothing but adding extra weight.
Now that we know what a friend is and what he or she is supposed to do, we need to make sure that we are doing these things ourselves. Before we are able to make friends, we have to make sure we can hold ourselves to the standards we plan on holding them to.
Thank you all so much for all of the genuine support I have received after my first blog post! Stay tuned and as always…

Love them, love her, love him, love you, love me

Love Karaa